HOW TO GET OVER A CHEATER WHO BROKE YOUR HEART
Is there any pain like that of being cheated by someone you trusted with your heart, body and soul? Personally, I don’t think so. Being cheated on can hurt you very deeply and most people will go through this in their lifetime. If you have been cheated on by someone you love dearly and are now struggling with dealing this difficult experience, anger & pain, then I am here to offer you some guidance. Here are some ways to help you get over a cheater:
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1. Don’t blame yourself but do take responsibility:
Do not blame yourself for your partner’s actions and inactions that brought about the cheating. It is so easy to blame yourself, and most people who have been cheated on do that. Cheating is never the fault of the faithful and loving partner; he or she made a choice to cheat instead of communicating with you about his or her relationship difficulties/problems. This is why communication is very important in every relationship. Problems and difficulties will arise, but it takes the effort of the two partners to solve them through communication.
Nevertheless, no matter the circumstances that brought about the cheating, if you are to grow and learn from the relationship and break up, you need to look at your own part in it. This, however, shouldn’t turn into self-blame.
2. Face the pain:
We all have different ways of dealing with pain, anger betrayal and depression. While others will drink to forget, some people will also engage in random sex with the hope of trying to get over the pain and betrayal.
Cry, scream, shout or hit your teddy bear if you feel like! Remember the good times, but again, don’t forget that they made their decision and you deserve some better than a cheater.
3. Avoid rebounds:
Some people try to get over a cheater and to heal their heart by trying to enter into a new relationship right after a break up. To be frank, it’s tempting to do so, especially when you feel lonely, depressed and need someone to love and care for you. However, it is always advisable to give yourself some time to heal your wounds and to forget about your ex before making any decision to enter into a new relationship. After all, you would be vulnerable in a state like this and you wouldn’t know if the rebound person only wants to take advantage of you and your situation to get into your pants.
4. Avoid blaming all men or all women:
Chances are that you will start blaming all men or all women because of your cheating ex. I understand, you are hurt by the very same person your trusted with your heart and body. And perhaps you have seen some friends and family gone through what you are going through now. But you need to remember that not ‘all men or women’ are cheaters! And just because you have been cheated on once or twice doesn’t mean that you are always going to be cheated on. The reality is some men cheat and some women also cheat !
5. Cease communication:
In order to forget the cheater you will need to cut communication with him or her. Ceasing communication will help create a distance between you and the cheater. The easiest way to do this is to block the cheater on social media. Do not reply his/her messages nor pick his or her calls. Cheaters have tendencies to call you after break-up to check up on you; do not get carried away because of that, avoid responding to such messages or calls until you are totally over the person.
Surround yourself with good people, visit new places, and have new experiences. Avoid places that remind you of the cheater as well.
Forgiving others is really hard. Even when you have been able to forgive, the experience will be difficult to forget. It might take you some time to forgive, but once you do, it will help heal your wounds. This, however, does not mean that your wounds will completely heal immediately after you forgive. Forgiveness also shouldn’t also be one-sided because there are two sides to all forgiveness- that of the offender (cheater) and that of the offended. Just by saying words of forgiveness will not heal the wound.
8. Talk to someone you trust:
You can rely on your family & friends for support. Allow others to comfort you and to listen to you. It’s very useful to vent your emotions when someone has cheated on you. Do so with people who love you, so that they will keep your sentiments private.
You can also talk to someone who has endured a betrayal in the past but has moved on positively with his/her life; you can spend more time with such person to help you move on.
9. Talk to a counsellor:
If you still find it difficult to get over a cheater after trying on your own, then schedule an appointment with a therapist/ counsellor to assist you.
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